I would recommend sitting down and giving this a read:
http://linux.oneandoneis2.org/LNW.htm
After you're done, think about it, and then read it again.
Linux is not Windows. Linux will never be Windows. In fact, the entire reason why you're even here thinking about making the switch to Linux is BECAUSE it's not Windows. Think about that for a second. If Linux worked the same as Windows, then Linux would BE Windows, and it would suffer from all of the same problems you're trying to get away from. You WILL have to go through a learning curve with Linux, just like you went through a learning curve with Windows. The best option is not to fight it and keep searching for a distro that is the most Windows-like, you should instead just suck it up and start learning.
Like corbintechboy said, everything about Linux is fundamentally different than Windows. Trying to make Linux look and function like Windows does nothing but make things LOOK more familiar, but underneath it's just as different as it always was, and you will STILL have to go through the same learning curve, you will just be infinitely more confused while you do so.